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Great Questions to talk through to Improve your Communication
1. Why does it seem like we’re often rehashing the same old issues?
2. Are you likely to feel understood and respected at the end of a difficult discussion?why or why not?
3. When do you feel most heard by me?
4. What can we do to enhance our communication?
5. When am I most frustrating to talk to?
6. What could I do to better to create a place of safety for you to share?
7. How can I best convey that I am really listening to you?
8. What are the best ways to resolve conflict between us?
9. What topics do we find most difficult to discuss and why?
10. What do you need more from me right now?
11. What can we do when tension is rising between us?
How Can We Stop Arguing About Money?
By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services
Q: We've been married for three years, and the only thing we ever argue about is money. Now with the economy getting worse and my husband's job in danger we're arguing even more. How can we avoid this? It upsets us to argue, but it's becoming a real habit. - Mrs. R.McD.
A: Disagreements over money can easily spiral out of control, and unfortunately studies show that arguments over money are responsible for a high percentage of divorces. Don't let this happen to you!
What can you do? First, try to understand what the real problem is. For example, one of you may have been raised to be very careful with your money, while the other grew up in a family that put things and pleasures first. Or one of you may want the very best of everything, while the other resists this. In other words, face your differences and understand them - and then learn to compromise. Often the problem isn't money, but differences in personality and upbringing.
Then take practical steps to get control of your finances. Don't argue over things you can't control - but do control the things you can control. Make a realistic budget - and stick to it. If your credit cards are a problem, lock them up. Avoid piling up debts, especially in this economy.
Above all, commit your lives - including your finances - to Jesus Christ. The Bible says, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have" (Hebrews 13:5). This may seem impossible in our materialistic world - but with God's help you can. It will make all the difference.
Does God Care That I Lost My Job?
By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services
Q: We're really struggling financially, and it's all I can think about. My wife still has a part-time job, but I lost my job a couple of months ago and I just can't find anything. We pray and pray, but nothing happens. I'm beginning to wonder if God even cares. - N.McC.
A: I want to assure you that God does care - and the reason is because He loves you, and He wants what is best for you. Don't give up, and don't lose your trust in Him. God's promise is for you: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11).
Does this mean God always answers our prayers the way we want Him to?
No, not necessarily. Many in our nation are facing hard times right now, and my heart goes out to people like you who are struggling financially and can't see the end of the tunnel. More than ever, we need to pray for our leaders, that God will give them wisdom as they attempt to deal with this economic crisis.
But even when we can't see the answer, God has not abandoned us. Hard times - of any kind - should bring us closer to God, not away from Him. Make Christ the center of your life, and ask God to bring your family together and not let worry and stress overcome you. Thank God every day for the blessings He does give you, and ask Him to draw you closer to Christ.
In addition, ask God to show you any new steps He might have you take - job retraining, volunteer work, even starting your own business. The Bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart ... and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
What Can I Do About My Husband's Gambling?
By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services
Q: I'm in complete shock, because the other day my husband admitted he's gambled away almost all of his retirement money. I knew he liked to go to the casinos with his friends, but I had no idea this was happening. I don't have a question, but maybe my letter will help someone avoid this. - Mrs. M.L.
A: Thank you for your concern - and I hope your letter will be a warning to anyone who is in danger of getting caught in this kind of trap. Greed is at the root of most gambling, and - as the Bible points out - "A greedy man brings trouble to his family" (Proverbs 15:27).
One of the hidden costs of gambling is that it easily becomes an addiction for some - an addiction so strong that they can't break out of it on their own. Like a powerful drug, it gives them a temporary thrill - only to send them crashing back to earth once reality sets in. Perhaps this happened with your husband.
Whatever the cause, you and your husband need to talk frankly about where you go from here. His first step must be to stay away from gambling of any sort - completely and totally. This may not be easy, and he may need help to understand himself and how he got into this situation. But he must not deceive himself into thinking that his luck will change and he'll be able to recoup his losses if he starts gambling again.
The most important thing you can do, however, is to turn to Jesus Christ and ask Him to become the center of your lives. He can give you strength and heal your relationship, and He can give you hope for the future. Your situation is a sad one, but with God's help the future can be different.
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